As if a career as a therapist, administrator, workshop leader, presenter, Reiki master teacher, intuitive healer, channel, wasn’t enough, my inner being guided me into a 7 month residency out of state, for a 200 hour Kundalini Yoga teacher training program in 2015. When I received this message from my intuitive guidance, I looked up and to my right, where my intuitive voice comes from and asked incredulously, “REALLY ?!?! Are you serious !?! My first response was “Have you seen this body ? I have TWO yoga bodies here.” I had just completed a 4 year study to be a Spiritual Practitioner. I was studying for the comprehensive national written exam, and the oral boards that would be held in PA later that Summer. My inner guidance, never repeats herself. When I asked again, “Are you serious ? Kundalini Yoga teacher training ?? I’m not getting up at 4 am ( that’s when teachers do their daily 2 ½ hour kundalini practice) and I’m not going to teach. Do you still want me to go ? I heard a very soft, but very clear “yes” Nothing else, no explanation, no trying to convince me. Just, “yes.” With her finger stuck out pointing the way.
I hadn’t worked in 6 months; my unemployment had just run out. I had no income, and was spending down my life savings. I wrote a check for $ 7,000, because….. I was told to. It was 2015, the year of what I’ve call my year of radical self- honoring. I had declared in January, that if there’s an intuitive yes, it’s yes. If there’s a No, it’s no. I don’t owe anyone, not even myself an explanation. I simply comply. Whatever is yes, I do, and whatever is no, I don’t. Even if I really, really, really want to. I just trust and let go. It’s an exercise in how deeply I can trust in myself and trust in the process of life, that is in fact a mystery. We just have ourselves convinced that we know what is going to happen next. Can I acknowledge that truth, trust me and trust in that something bigger than me that breathes me, tells the leaves when to turn yellow and drop off the tree, that tells the sun when to set and the moon when to rise. Can I trust that ?
So yes, to Kundalini Yoga Teacher training. And as I had previously mentioned to my higher self, my voice of intuition, in the event that she was unaware, I have 2 yoga bodies, in one. I’m not svelte. In fact no- where in the world, makes the white Kundalini Yoga clothes we are required to wear, in plus sizes. XL in yoga speak, is really a very small medium. A hurdle I’m still working on and it won’t deter me.
When I noticed what I’d done, written a check for $ 7,000 for Kundalini Yoga Teacher training, no questions asked. I became aware that if I’d been working, I wouldn’t have written a check for $ 7,000 ! And if I was going to spend $ 7, 000, I could have traveled the world, or gone on a really, really cool safari or something really super fun and extravagant. I’ve never spent that much money, ever, for anything. I bought my homes, with the banks money. WHAT was I doing ?!? What I was doing, was none of my business. It was guidance, it was clear and I committed to the only answer there was…..yes.
During my first 12 day Kundalini Yoga teacher training residency every moment of the 12 hour days that I wasn’t in Kundalini yoga class, I was hiding away, buried in my text books, studying for my written exam for spiritual practitioner. Every day started with the Kundalini wellness practice of giving myself a whole body oil massage followed by a cold shower at 4 am. I still do the cold shower. I love it. I don’t actually love it. It’s cold. I do love how it makes me feel. We were up at 4 am, for sadhana 5-7:30 am daily yoga practice. Training ended 12 hours later at 4 PM, daily.
When I returned from this first 12 day Kundalini residency, I sat for the written exam with complete confidence. I failed the exam by 1 point. I don’t recall having ever failed at anything, certainly never an exam. On review of the exam, I made stupid mistakes. I am aware now, that my higher self, guided me into Kundalini Yoga Teacher training as the next highest spiritual/healing practice in alignment with the greatest version of the grandest vision of who I am and who I desire to be in the world…. the presence that heals.
Five years in Spiritual Practitioner Training did grow my consciousness to allow me to live this year in a radical, irrational, self-honoring way.
I have been taking Kundalini Yoga classes for 5 years. I didn’t really know what it was. I just knew at the end of an hour, unlike ANY other practice, my heart was wide open and I always felt a wholeness, in a way I didn’t feel at any other time. On day 2 of teacher training when Kundalini was explained as a healing technology and Sat Nam Rasayan, the healing practice of Kundalini was sitting in stillness, in shuniya, being the presence that heals, I cried. Of course, my inner being would send me here.
“The reason I write is to explain my life to myself. I’ve also discovered that when I do, I am explaining other people’s lives to them.” ~ Pat Conroy ( wrote Prince of Tides.